Better Than the First Time

Monday April 18th was a historic day! And no, it was not because it was tax day.

Okay, so it was more of a personally historic day.

Because…

I got baptized!

 

Now let me back up, for those of you who know some of my story, and may be confused.

Yes, I was dedicated as an infant.

And yes, I was baptized when I was in high school, after I had made the decision to follow Jesus, not just because it was what my family did, but because I wanted to explore what faith was for myself.

 

But what I didn’t realize for many years, is that my faith was full of striving. Trying to measure up to different things, following all the rules.

There were a lot of “I” statements which guided my thoughts and affected my actions. “I should do this…” or “I have to do that…” because that’s what good Christian girls do.

I got so good at bottling everything up inside that I was able to make myself think I was okay.

 

And then I went on the World Race, which started a process of learning about identity and what that meant, along with grieving.

When I came home from the Race, I had about two years to continue learning and processing what my true identity was. A lot happened in those two years, and let’s just say it was not easy.

 

Then enter my first session of CGA. I worked through my life story, finding all the struggles and lies I dealt with in my life. It was one of, if not the most, difficult things I have ever done.

But the great thing was, I found the root cause of my issues, and found healing from it and came to realize my identity in Christ.

 

So back to the present.

I came for another session of CGA and believed it was going to be this beautiful exploration of life in my new identity.

Happiness and sunshine everywhere!

Nope. Not true!

It has been easier in ways, but it has also been very difficult at the same time.

Is the way I am thinking and acting because that is how I always have? Or is this my new way of life. These are the questions that have plagued in this season. And yes, they have commenced in tears more than I would like to admit.

 

Yet in this mess and confusion, I have come to realize something crucial.

It is not about what I do. It is about what He has done, and is continuing to do.  

 

Finding rest in the Father, He has spoken things to me through all different avenues…

He loves me outrageously.

He calls me His Treasure.

He has created me with a pure heart.

He has made me for a specific plan and purpose.

 

So when they started talking about baptism at worship, my initial thought was, “I’ve been baptized before, I don’t need to do that.”

But then all the the words that the Father has spoken over me in this season came into my mind and I knew it was time.

 

It took a little bit, but I made my way up.

 

At first it was just a few sprinkles on the top of my head.

And then, came a dousing of crisp, clean water,

Drenching my hair running down my face and soaking my shirt.

 

But I didn’t care!

I was in tears and wanted to dance at the same time.

The dust of the old was being washed away so that the brand new can shine through!

 

It’s TRUUUUUUEEEE!

I was baptized as a Daughter!

 

The Father spoke so clearly through all those surrounding me, baptizing me and praying over me. And He continues to speak.

 

It’s a new season and a new day!

I can’t believe I get to live this beautiful life Adventure as His Daughter!