I have lived a lot of my life in a flurry of comparison and striving to be perfect. Because if I was like this person, or if I created that thing and did it perfectly, I would be worth being seen. And if I had the approval of others, I would have the freedom to be myself.
But none of those things lead to freedom. In fact, comparison, striving to be someone you are not and perfectionism only lead to low self confidence, doubting and in many cases despair.
I lived in this tornado, sucking things in and spewing others out, not knowing where I was going most of the time. It may not have been visible to others, but I was a mess inside.
That is, until the Lord took me through the long process of showing me what my true identity is in Him. Throughout the past few years, I have come to see Him as Father, and seeing myself as His daughter. I am learning to live out all the ways that He has created me unique as His beautiful creation, and freedom is flowing!
Yesterday was a true experiment in this. In worship track, we learned about the basics of colors. I had read about them before, but this time we made our own color wheel.
I started by using my water bottle to trace a circle. I missed part of it, so the lines did not connect quite right. For moment I thought I should turn the paper over and start again, to have a perfect circle. But I did not.
Then the circle inside was off center. Inside that circle we drew a triangle, and split it in three equal parts. My top piece was a bit smaller than the other two, so I drew new lines. And the sections on the outer circle were not the same size. Then the person next to me dropped their paint brush on my paper. So I put my color blotches on the right, instead of the left like everyone else did.
Imperfections were everywhere on this paper. I could have chosen to flip it over, or crumple it up and start fresh. But I chose not to.
As a few of the others around me were trying to get just the right colors and shapes, I looked at my work with all the weird lines and colors.
“Perfectionism out the window!” I declared it out loud.
And you know what came?
Freedom! And a whole lot of laughter!
The next part of the activity was to pick a partner and paint their portrait. I had a moment of panic as I knew I could not paint anything that would actually look like her. I picked up the brush and started with her hair. Then I looked at all the beautiful colors on the plate in front of me.
“Perfectionism out the window!”
I declared it out loud again. In fact I did this multiple times, to encourage myself and the people next to me.
I then picked up the brush and started painting strokes all over the paper. I had no idea what it would look like in the end. It was truly freeing to paint outside the lines. My partner and I were laughing harder than before, finding so much joy in the process.
There was nothing perfect about the work I did. But in the end, it was magnificent!
When you put away the rules and the desire to be perfect, the things inside of you can come out, and they will create something incredibly beautiful!
So do it with me. Break open that window and toss out perfectionism. You weren’t meant to carry that weight. You were made to be FREE!
